I just booked airline tickets for Chef and I to head to the Midwest!
We don't really want to make this trip but we NEED to make the trip.
Chef's mom has been bouncing between nursing facilities since last year sometime. We don't even know how long she has been in different facilities cause she doesn't always tell us. I will occasionally talked to one of Chef's aunts and ask what is going on but she tries to stay as removed from the situation as possible (it is really easy to get sucked in as I have noticed with others).
So we will head out in April for a few days to try to get things figured out. She wants to do some estate planning. We need to figure out what is really going on. We need to figure out if we do need to move out there and take over her home.
We are incredibly confused about what our role in all this is and what we should be doing to support and where we draw the boundaries.
For the last few months when I think about the situation I want to SCREAM! I don't know what to do!! I am very family focused and believe that family should always come first. This is a whole new world for me this is my husband's family. My husband who also has the disease that is crippling his mother. My husband who if we move there will have to see his future in his mother and what is happening to her. If it were my biological family I would talk with my brother and sister and WE would figure out what to do as a family. Chef is an only child it is just he and I that being called upon. I am so overwhelmed by this situation. I know if I am feeling overwhelmed Chef has got to be out-of-his-mind-stressed about it. WE need to figure this out but I can't seem to figure out the right solution where everyone is safe and supported.
I hate being a social worker especially in my own life...can someone assign me a social worker please!!!
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1 comment:
Just take it one day at a time. If your MIL has been in nursing facilities for a while, then probably that's where she should be. You and Chef can make that happen on a permanent basis, or not. Estate planning is critical, though, and worth the trip to take care of it. And to find out really what is going on. I feel for you both and wish there were easy answers. Being an only child makes this even harder on both you and Chef. Be firm, yet understanding if that is possible. Let Mom know that you both cannot give up your jobs and lives right now, and that she needs to be somewhat flexible too. If she's any kind of person at all she will understand. If not, then she would be the loser.
Hope you can figure it all out. I'll say an extra prayer for you both.
JE
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